Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.
Let me let you know about this wonderful lady.
Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.
(No surprise I really like the music of Alan Doyle (and Nice Huge Sea), it’s in my DNA!)
Gramma was a preschool trainer for 22 years and has been an energetic member in her group for her complete life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives over time. She volunteered on the Council on Growing old. She typically drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the previous folks” (as she known as it), which she did effectively into her 80s!
Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I might swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my cellphone, typically distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I feel having identified her my complete life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has all the time been right here, and Gramma will all the time be right here.”
Happily, I stumbled upon an historic Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course appropriate this sample. It allowed all of my current visits with Gramma to be decidedly completely different.
Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会
There’s an idea courting again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s known as ichi-go ichi-e:
This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”
It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Irrespective of how typically we do one thing or see any individual, it’s the solely time that it’ll actually occur this manner, in this second.
This idea can remind us to be extra current.
- As an alternative of checking our telephones, we are able to give attention to the individual or process in entrance of us.
- As an alternative of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we will be right here now.
- As an alternative of going by way of the motions, we could be a bit extra deliberate with our conduct.
I’ve mirrored loads on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (see my essay about Wabi-Sabi), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.
Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer time.
I finished worrying in regards to the future or ruminating on the previous, put my cellphone down, and simply sat along with her.
I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I might get to have that interplay.
I requested her questions on her childhood. I discovered that she spent a number of summers residing in a tent with no working water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their house along with his personal two fingers. And the way a lot she cherished it.
She advised me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and received caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her mother and father mattress till the solar got here up.
I discovered extra about my grandfather. She even shared photographs of her wedding ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:
She additionally discovered some photographs of me and her from means again within the day!
This one was my favourite:
I returned to Nashville final month, uncertain when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.
It nonetheless felt completely different. I had related with Gramma extra deeply in a number of visits than I in all probability had prior to now 10 years mixed.
Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.
Gramma’s Neighborhood
Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.
And every day, a revolving door of friends would present as much as verify on her:
Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her finest good friend. Her good friend Anne. Pals from the Council of Growing old. Fellow quilters. Folks from her church.
At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the similar time, and it changed into an absolute get together.
I used to be in awe of this lady and what number of lives she has impacted.
If there’s a transparent signal of a life effectively lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped every thing to return and spend time along with her, swapping tales and holding her firm.
Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has a terrific humorousness too:
The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and stated, “I remembered one other story!” She then advised me in regards to the time she “borrowed” a automobile, although she didn’t have a license but, to drive by way of the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.
Whereas speaking on the cellphone along with her 94 yr previous brother in regulation, she requested “how are ya, you previous geezer?”
When the physician requested “are you feeling higher right now?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”
Spending time with Gramma and the entire folks from completely different elements of her life felt like the absolute best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m continually moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.
This level was pushed additional house by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…
Stay Intentionally
The hospital during which my Gramma is staying is correct subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his e-book Walden.
Sooner or later, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by way of the bushes.
(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s known as “komorebi”.)
I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:
“I went to the woods as a result of I wanted to reside intentionally, to entrance solely the important information of life, and see if I couldn’t be taught what it needed to educate, and never, once I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”
Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most essential to him.
Gramma went the opposite route, prioritizing what’s most essential to her: household, pals, and group.
Two completely different situations, the identical finish consequence:
Selecting to reside intentionally.
I don’t have plans on shifting into the woods and residing merely, however I do assume I’ve completed my finest to reside extra intentionally these previous few years.
Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most essential to me too: pals, household, and group.
All We now have to Determine…
A number of years in the past, Gramma offered my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.
“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I need to give them to you now in order that we are able to get pleasure from this second collectively.”
She took the time to clarify the which means behind every quilt and why they have been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, reasonably than ready to listen to about these stunning quilts after she handed.
After I visited Gramma this summer time, I found that she had printed my essay about my grandfather, her husband, who had handed away. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means received to inform him simply how a lot I discovered from him earlier than he died.
For that cause, I’m penning this essay now to verify she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so happy with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to be taught from her for 40 years (and counting!).
(I received a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and she or he cherished it. Mission completed!)
I actually hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again house. In spite of everything, she advised her good friend Laurie “I’m not completed but!”
However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to resolve.
As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:
“All we’ve got to resolve is what to do with the time that’s given us.”
I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to reside extra intentionally:
- If you happen to’re keen to place your cellphone down and be current with the folks in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
- If you happen to’re keen to prioritize what’s really essential as a substitute of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go fallacious with the alternatives you make.
- If you could find a option to give attention to the essential folks in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it while you’re 94.
And eventually keep in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do right now, that is the one time this second will occur.
Act accordingly.
-Steve
PS: If you’d like a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely suggest Wim Wenders’s Good Days.
The put up 94 Years of Knowledge first appeared on Nerd Health.
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