It’s a phrase we regularly come to dread, keep away from or concern—particularly relating to saying it to your boss. However what if a no now may truly create a sure later? It’d even be the spine precept of setting wholesome boundaries within the office, and also you may be shocked what number of instances the phrase no may open doorways you by no means anticipated.
Why no will get a nasty rap
Your first publicity to no was in all probability in your childhood when your family members used it to guard you from outdoors forces that would trigger you bodily or psychological hurt. However as we age, the connection with the phrase can usually lead us to wish to keep away from troublesome conversations with our bosses and colleagues.
“From a psychological standpoint, the discomfort round saying no is commonly linked to people-pleasing tendencies, which stem from a concern of disappointing others or being seen as insufficient,” says Ann Monis, CEO and a medical and forensic psychologist at Medical Anti Getting old. “That is frequent in excessive achievers who tie their self-worth to exterior validation.”
Monis explains that our mind registers rejection as a menace, resulting in that fight-or-flight feeling we get after we assume our no may result in disappointment from others or a poor end result. The sensation can enhance anxiousness and as Monis factors out, “[make] it really feel bodily uncomfortable to say no, even in conditions the place it’s utterly cheap.”
“Many individuals are wired to consider that saying no is the same as rejection, or failure,” she says. “That concern comes from deep-rooted beliefs tied to approval, authority dynamics and even childhood experiences.”
The assumption that utilizing the phrase no indicators a failure definitely isn’t restricted to america workforce.
“I used to assume saying ‘no’ at work was dangerous, such as you may get labeled as complicated or not a staff participant,” says Tetiana Burda, CAO on the soft-development firm Syndicode in Portugal . “Once I was main HR, I noticed this concern on a regular basis. Individuals would overload themselves, conform to unimaginable deadlines and tackle work that wasn’t theirs to keep away from disappointing somebody. And to be trustworthy, I did the identical.”
Then she had a turning level the place she stopped agreeing to the whole lot to show her price.
“I used to be dealing with HR, juggling one million issues, after which got here the basic, ‘Tetiana, you also needs to tackle this extra undertaking.’ The previous me would have nodded and figured it out at 2 within the morning. As an alternative, I stated, ‘I’d love to assist, but when I take this on, I received’t be capable of dedicate sufficient consideration to my present duties. Which one’s the precedence?’” Burda says. “That was the second the whole lot modified. As an alternative of being seen as somebody who simply stated ‘no,’ I used to be seen as somebody who thought strategically. And humorous sufficient, that shift led to extra vital duties, actual ones, not simply further work.”
Making your no as straightforward as sure
Whereas the phrase no won’t be a favourite or most utilized phrase in your vocabulary, consultants remind us that it is among the most necessary to grasp, particularly for setting wholesome boundaries at work.
“The power to say no at work is finally about self-management and long-term profession development,” says Tim Brown, founding father of the Hook Company in Minneapolis. “Probably the most profitable professionals are those that know methods to stability their workload, prioritize successfully, and talk boundaries in a means that builds respect.”
So if no is so troublesome for many people to say, how can we even start to set these boundaries? Specialists say it begins with rethinking what no actually means.
“As an alternative of viewing it as a rejection, see it as an act of self-preservation and strategic decision-making,” says Monis. “A robust reframe is: ‘Saying no to 1 factor means I’m saying sure to one thing else that aligns with my targets and well-being.’ This shifts the narrative from concern of penalties to confidence in prioritization.”
Brown says if a deliberate no makes you too anxious, take into account different methods you may reframe your response, as an example:
- Begin by acknowledging the request by utilizing phrasing like, “That appears like an fascinating undertaking…”
- Present context: “…however I’m at present centered on assembly a deadline for [another task].”
- Supply some alternate options: “Wouldn’t it be useful if I assisted differently or revisited this at a later time?”
“This fashion, you’re not simply saying no—you’re displaying that you just’re considerate and dedicated to delivering high quality work,” he says.
For these simply beginning out on their job journey, Brown admits that it may be straightforward to make use of sure as the best way to remain related, however it may simply result in overcommitting and burnout. As an alternative, he says give attention to saying sure to alternatives that align with your individual targets or abilities you want to develop, and actively work to “say no to duties that overextend you or diminish your efficiency on higher-priority duties.”
When the phrase no creates room for a sure
For Paige Bennett, director of experiential advertising at Awardco, a rewards and recognition platform in Lindon, Utah, no made it attainable to say sure to one thing higher.
“Early in my profession, I stated no to a promotion,” she says. “On paper, it was a terrific alternative, however I knew it wasn’t the correct match for what I needed to do and the place I needed to go. As an alternative of speeding into management for the sake of development, I centered on growing the talents I actually needed. That call allowed me to step right into a management function later, one which aligned with my strengths and passions.
“At first, it was intimidating to inform my leaders no,” she provides. “I apprehensive about how it could be perceived and if it could impression future alternatives. However I by no means regretted it as a result of it finally led me to the place I’m now, a spot the place I really feel utterly at peace with my profession path.”
She provides that her leaders expressed a deep respect for her determination. “Some have even reached out years in a while LinkedIn to say how a lot it impressed them and the way proud they’re of the place I’m as we speak. That have strengthened for me that success isn’t about taking each alternative—it’s about taking the correct ones.”
Photograph by Raushaun_films/Shutterstock.com
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